Well, 2020 is finally done, over, caput. Thank God. Sometimes it felt like it would last forever. And with the turning of the calendar comes the inevitable onslaught of New Year’s Resolutions, you know, those casual promises we make on January 1 that we’re under no legal obligation to fulfill. This year, with everything we’ve been through, I thought we all might benefit from a little more RELIEF than RESOLVE. So I collected a few resolutions that might offer a chuckle for you. Let’s face it you need it, you need it.
Typically New Year’ Resolutions fall into about five categories. The first is Starting Over, or as I call it this year LOSE THAT “2020 FEELING.”
Try these on for size.
Buy all leftover 2020 calendars and burn them.
Tattoo “New Year, New Me” on your arm.
Never take HomeGoods trips for granted, ever again.
The next most popular category is RELATIONSHIPS, you know all that stuff about making yourself a better person. With the toxic year of 2020 in the rearview mirror, here are a few with a little different take on the subject.
Keep kicking ass and taking names, because detailed record-keeping is important.
Don’t text that nasty person back. You know the one. We all have one.
Be just a little nicer to people who do exactly what I want.
No set of resolutions would be complete without a few commitments to improve our FINANCES and with all the economic challenges of the past year, these take on added importance in 2021.
Spend less than $1825 on coffee at Starbucks.
Stop buying worthless junk on eBay—because QVC has better specials.
Lower my bills by digging a hole to bury them in.
Just about everyone includes a resolution or two about PHYSICAL IMPROVEMENT like losing weight or getting in shape. I found a few of this ilk I thought you’d especially appreciate this year. (My favorite is number 11.)
Lose weight by hiding it somewhere you’ll never find it.
Get in shape. I choose round.
Unfriend every person who shares their unsolicited diet or exercise regimen.
No collection of resolutions would be complete without a few about improving our WORK LIFE. If we’re able to still be working, 2020 did more to change our working conditions than any other year in recent memory. So here are three especially appropriate for 2021!
Check my work email at least once this year.
Actually put on a full outfit for Zoom calls (although let’s be real, business-on-top-PJs-below never hurt anyone).
Don’t bore the boss with the same excuse for taking leave. Think up new ones…or just cough.
To be serious for a second, here is my suggestion for a 2021 resolution:
Be kind to yourself and others. After what we’ve been through, we all need a little kindness this year.
I hope 2021 holds only the best for you and yours.
Peace, stay safe and healthy!—Randy Overbeck